home made frozen yogurt cupcakes !! 30 calories!

Image

SO YESTERDAY IT WAS HOT AS BALLS IN NEW YORK CITY.

The beginning of death-by-humidity-and-chaffing season here.

ANYWAY- we had a friend over for lunch and we bbq’d so kept it pretty calorie light ( grilling always does, that makes me happy)…but i wanted to make a dessert that didn’t require baking and TURNING THE OVEN ON-UGHHHHHH)

SO I WHIPPED THESE UP! they were SO FAST and SO easy:
Image

YOGURT: i used about 9 oz of plain 0% greek yogurt, that i mixed with a little vanilla extract, and literally a tbsp (which was more than enough) of sugar free/fat free vanilla jello pudding mix. that sweetened it right up, made it taste like CAKE! SO good, and keeps the sugar and cals out of the yogurt. I think the original recipe called for any vanilla yogurt. You can use WHATEVER FLOATS YOUR BOAT!

  1. I PUREED, in my food processor: (see photo) 1 banana and about 8 strawberries.
  2. fill half the cups with yogurt, top with the purree so no white is showing
  3. top with a dollop of either yogurt, or whipped cream- ( i did half and half. the whipped cream freezes deliciously, but i think i’ll stick with the yogurt to keep cals down.)
  4. FREEZE for about an hour

the first round we ate a little prematurely, but the outside was froen and the inside was gooey. i honestly preferred it this way, they were DELICIOUS. and the fruit froze perfectly. The second round we ate, were completely frozen. i say let them thaw out for 10 minutes before actually eating. I’d like to experiment with putting these on pops, or sticks.

SO GOOD! enjoy!

original recipe credit goes to : http://www.fitsugar.com/Low-Calorie-Ice-Cream-Cupcakes-28553112Note that her photos are like, beautiful and professional. mine are melting on my hands, and fuzzy. hahaha.


Salad in a Jar ! With Homemade Dressing.

Photo May 14, 10 16 20 AM

 

Just wanted to throw up a quick post to say HERE’s MY salad in a jar!! I think either i need a bigger jar, or i won’t really be doing this again (even though its sickengly cute)….But I feel like i needed more room at the top for my baby spinach and afraid of what its gonna look like come lunch time! I’ll let you know.

Bottom to Top:Tomatoes, Cucumbers, Blackened shrimp from the grill, Feta, and Baby spinach

I think too, i missed the point of this, i think you’re supposed to put the dressing on the bottom or something, so you don’t HAVE to bring another little container-but I’m still afraid of soggy whatever, so i still  brought it on the side:

HOME MADE DRESSING: its just a little olive oil, a squeeze of lime, salt, pepper, thyme, and italian seasoning. super easy! sometimes i’ll use lemon instead of lime, and we can get super fancy later and talk about ones with mustard seeds, or dijon or sriracha or spicy stuff…but today, was the 30 second dressing from home. I never buy store bought anymore.

Not much else to say today…i, didn’t lose a pound last week, so i was super annoyed, even though i know BLAH BLAH BLAH all the reasons and that the scale isn’t THAT IMPORTANT AND BLAH BLAH BLAH…but i still get annoyed lol. Hoping for big loss this week. Gonna try to go really hard.

 

UGH Tuesday…and go!


Skinny (fake) ReFried Beans Recipe! amazing substitute! Brunch.

Photo May 05, 12 23 36 PM Photo May 05, 12 27 46 PM

ALSO STARRING: SKINNY Steak and Eggs Tostadas.

OKAY. So SINCE i’m still on a tostada obsession: I whipped something up for breakfast this weekend, that was SO GOOD on saturday, i had to make it again sunday, and i made it a little different and realized that i could do anything with this base, and that it tasted JUST like refried beans that i LOVEEEE to spread on the bottom of a tostada,(and a million other things) but could ALSO be used as a base for dips, without lots of added extra crap, and the only REAL carb are the beans, and there’s no oil or anything. ENDLESS possibilities for   ALL KIND OF AMAZING SHIT!!

1
Photo May 07, 12 08 32 PM

Quick couple of pulses in the food processor: Onions, and red peppers.

NOTE: ON SATURDAY, i made this with Green peppers, and it was JUST as delicious. i kind of liked it better, was a little more peppery, as red peppers are a LITTLE bit sweeter. but still EQUALLY as delicious. And the color is nicer. I’m gonna try this with a million different things. I LOVE using peppers as a fake starch. I use them with onions to bulk up just about anything where i would put a potato in like, a fake hash or whatever. ITS GREAT.

2
Photo May 07, 12 14 47 PM

THROW pulsed onions and peppers in a pan, press in garlic. (I AM OBSESSED with a garlic press. SO fast and easy, minced fresh garlic.)
Then throw black beans ( any beans are gonna be fantastic to do this with, esp. red, but i used what i had in the house!)
Just cook down for a few minutes, till the onions are translucent and the peppers have softened, and you take that raw harsh bite taste out of everything.

3.
Photo May 07, 12 15 46 PM

Throw sautéed mixture back into food processor. I ADDED (just cuz i was in the mood to experiment…): a serving of fat free cheddar, and a squirt of sriracha cream. (remember, i keep a squirt bottle of this made in my fridge. just a little fat free sour cream or greek yogurt, mixed with srirahca…a way to add a cream, or a little flavor with barely any cals)

BLEND. the lighting in that picture is odd, it looks like peanut butter lol- but it came out much darker: FINISHED PRODUCT OF SKINNY REFRIED BEANS :

Photo May 05, 12 23 24 PM

AND REAL QUICK: Steak and Eggs Skinny Brunch Tostadas:

Use the refried beans as a bottom layer.

Photo May 05, 12 23 39 PM EGGS (stupidly overcooked and misshapen because i was trying to take pictures instead of caring for my eggs..hahah)

Photo May 05, 12 07 52 PMREAL quick: steak for a few minutes on either side, The beauty of this, is you need very little, and then it makes soo much when you throw it in the food processor to shred!! Pulse it 3 or 4 times, it’ll up so nicely   this little amount was BARELY 4 ounces of meat, and made enough to OVERDO IT on 4 tostadas!!

shred Photo May 05, 12 19 41 PM diced tomatoes, i love to throw a little pink sea salt and cracked black pepper on them.

and BAM. Photo May 05, 12 28 54 PM Photo May 05, 12 27 46 PM

Just layer shredded steak over your spread of “skinny refried beans”, throw an egg on top, sprinkle diced tomatoes, and hit it with a little sriracha cream or sour cream, or anything you want really. Nothing is delicious too.
OKAY. i’m done with the tostada posts for now, i promise. The star of this post was REALLY the nonrefried, Refried Beans.

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH:
Photo May 04, 6 59 31 PM

ABSURD photo of where we have to put my dog, Dinno, while we’re cooking (this is from friday night’s Salmon Tartare…. recipe to come.)
He HAS to be right in the sightline of everything thats going on in the kitchen, or else he’s in and out, underfoot, wandering around, trying to inhale anything that falls off the counter, which is not only annoying, but can make him sick. EX: he’s constantly snarfs up onions, and then spits them out all over the floor, where ever he takes them to hide them, when realizes they’re gross and he doesn’t want to eat them.

My ridiculous husband started this nonsense, which at first made me mad, but now makes me laugh. He calls  the dog RATATOUILLE now, Like the mouse in the movie, who wanted to be a chef, but noone would let him. Says its Dinno’s secret dream. I say he’s just a scavenge.

RIDICULOUS.


down 3 more pounds!!! 19 total!

WHATS UP BITCHES!!

1- its FRIDAY

2- I WEIGHED IN THIS MORNING, AND I LOST 3 MORE POUNDS -MAKING IT 19 TOTAL!!!!
since around March, when i RE-started but wasn’t really serious….and 10 lbs since April 12th, when i started going hard again.

i am EFFFFING THRILLED with this! Its just validation that what i’ve been doing IS WORKING, and i don’t have to question it all the time. i’m DEF. finally happy with this progress. If i can continue to lose at this rate, i’ll be at my 1st goal ON SCHEDULE, AS planned, by AUGUST, when my first vacation is!!! yay!!!! and then hopefully somewhere closer to my UGW by December, when our second trip is.

I need to remember how to HOLD ONTO this feeling, and STAY focused, and keep this motivation. What usually happens with me is, i’ll lose- and then i’ll hit a plateau, and then get discouraged because i don’t see numbers changing for a while, and then start eating like crap again, or getting lax in counting calories, and measuring and weighing food out. And then slowly, the scale will creep back up, and i’ll keep telling myself i’m gonna go hard again, but then i don’t, and make a billion excuses.

NOT THIS TIME!! I have determination i have NEVER had before, and motivation, and i WILL STICK with it this time. I don’t EVER want to have to START OVER again. I want to ride this wave, and i want to remember how good i feel, and i don’t want to give up.

I’m sore every day, and i’m eating really clean,and i feel FANTASTIC. i want to see how far i can take this by the time my trip rolls around. I am so excited to MAYBE take a bunch of pictures, and not CONSTANTLY BE WORRIED about angling myself so that my arms don’t look fat, or i don’t have double chins. I just want to feel free, and i think i’m on the right path.

HOLLLER!!!!!


RECIPE: Tostadas !! Chicken Tostadas or Brunch Tostadas ! SKINNY TOSTADAS !

20130428-182523.jpg

OKAY LISTEN UP:

I LOVE ME SOME MOTHER FUCKING MEXICAN FOOD. and all spanish food. its in my blood. All i ever want is rice and meat or anything crispy or fried. IF IT COMES IN A DOUGH: SOLD. I can’t live without it. Burritos, Tacos, Nachos, Chimichangas (fried death delicious), Empanadas, Enchiladas, and THATS RIGHT……TOSTADAS.

A tostada (for you uncultured, unenlightened, and SERIOUSLY DEPRIVED KIDS): Is basically, an open faced taco, but the shell is hard (read: fried). The best ones, are ones you get where a tortilla has been fried in old ass oil on the side of the road SUPER fresh, the flat taco shell still hot and freshly out of the oil crispy. but they also COULD BE THE DEATH OF YOU. so, we can’t eat these things in restaurants anymore, while we’re on a mission to reduce the sizes of our giant asses.

HOWEVER: eating them at home….CAN BE A JOY!!!!! AND DON’T HAVE TO BE INSANE CALORIES!!!! You can get tostada shells (flat of course) at the supermarket, and if you get the right brand ( they vary in calorie info)…the serving size is 3, ( and you only need 1 or 2), and they end up at about 50 calories for each! NOT BAD!! so for 2 shells, you’re at 100 calories, and about 10-12 carbs. SIGN ME UP ANYDAY.

OKAY. so we have that down: ImageImage

NOW BEFORE YOU START YOUR SHIT: YES, obviously they could be MORE SKINNY, if we put them on fucking lettuce leaves, but then they wouldn’t be TOSTADAS.<3 ….they’d be LETTUCE WRAPS. AND THERE IS A TIME AND PLACE FOR THOSE.(and we love them.) but this is not that time.

Okay. Now. the usual (bless-ed) tostada: is FRIED TOSTADA SHELL, (grease and oil), REfried beans slathered on the bottom (how i love thee,) and super greasy meat, thats been cooked in oil, topped with avocado and white mexican cheese (orgasm)…..and a drizzle of mexican white Crema. (goodnight.)

WE ARE MAKING A SKINNY VERSION: AND ITS SOOOOO QUICK AND EASY!

1-SAUTTEE (OR grill-even better) Chicken breasts:
hit it with salt and pepper, and Season with Sazon for extra special spanish tastiness. i LIVE FOR THIS SHIT: Image

2- throw your chicken in a blender or food processor to shred it up: if you don’t have one, you can just chop it up like i used to do, before i got fancy and can shred it right up in my food processor: Imagemust revisit this btw: if you don’t have one of these: GET ONE. ITS 40 BUCKS, and the best 40 bucks i’ve ever spent.

3- Throw your shredded chicken back in the pan,(just some PAM cooking spray is fine, no extra oil needed) with some black beans. The chicken will get a FANTASTIC crunchy texture, and the beans remind us of slathered refried (with like, a billion times less the calories.) I like to use ONE full serving, since i know i’m making dinner for 2 people- and its like i’m eating HALF the calories.ya dig??: Image

4:While your chicken cooks, you can throw together a quick salsa, and a quick guacamole:
Note: Classic tostadas usually just have slices of avocado laid beautifull across the top, but i wanted guacamole to get more of the flavors in there (to make up for some of the super fatty shit that i’m NOT putting on this tostada.)

photo 5 Salsa: Tomatoes, white onion, cilantro, salt, pepper, squeeze of a lime,
GUAC: avocados, a little onion,a little diced tomato ,jalepeno, salt, pepper, cilantro. (you don’t need as much of all this stuff, because you DID make a salsa, and you don’t want overkill on anything.)

photo 3 copy 2 photo 4 copy
5
: throw your chicken and beans combo on top of your tostadas!!! (measuring and weighing your food of course, so that you are within your calories)
6: Layer with Guac, and salsa, then throw a dab of fat free sour cream on top!! (its oNLY 30 calories for TWO tbsps….i always go with one, so its like cutting it in half…you’d be surprised how much and how BIG a table spoon is!!

AND BAM:

photoBeautiful and delicious skinny Tostadas. Around 450 calories, but a must to remember: is that avocado is high in calories! BUT ITS GOOOOOD FOR YOU FATS!!

THOUGHT YOU’D LIKE A SHOT OF MY MESSY KITCHEN WHILE THIS WAS GOING ON:

photo 1 copy 2

 

and below: A brunch tostada shot! I only eat one tostada when having it as breakfast/brunch. Get the idea here? you can put ANYTHING YOU WANT on top of tostadas! i made kind of a fake Hash….. with a little turkey bacon, chopped up, onions, peppers, and there might be a little turkey pepporoni sautéed in there with it. 2 Eggs on top, heirloom tomatos, and drizzled over, is a Sriracha cream!!! (My new favorite thing to make) i keep a squirt bottle of it around….its just a little bit of fat free sour cream, mixed with sriracha…makes a spicy, yet cool topping for NEARLY ANYTHING!!!!! OJ is Trop 50, CUT with seltzer (its like having a mimosa i SWEAR, but for 25 calories instead and half the sugar.)
brunch
Have a good weekend! Maybe i’ll post some more brunch nonsense next post, since tomorrow is saturday and all.


Bike Riding- 13 miles! A Photo Essay:

ImageThe view from Randall’s Island.

Hey Y’all!!!

So this weekend was lots and lots of grilling in the backyard, and a 13 mile bike ride! Burned about 1200 calories.
In about 3 hours (with some stops, and stop for lunch) We rode from our house, over the bridge to Randalls island and across the Triboro Bridge into Queens.  Then all around Astoria, and BACK the exact same way. HOT DAMN the Triboro nearly killed me. That bridge was SOOOOO steep: 

photo 2 That was at the start of the bridge… there was a huge incline JUST to get there, so we stopped cuz i was DYING. (photo op, duh)

Then, the bridge ITSELF (above) was SOOOO steep, all incline, so we stopped halfway across to take stupid pictures:

photo 3View from middle of the bridge Out.

photo 4 copyside by side photo of COOL KIDS!!!
WHO LOOKS COOLER THAN ME IN MATCHING PINK RIDICULOUS BIKE GEAR hahahahahahaha.

photo 1 copy#strongman #almostdroppedhisbikeintheriver

photo 2 copyso much love. was sweating. wanted to die.

photo 5looking super cool, even though i’m about to barf my lung up.

THEN we rode around Astoria, Queens-which is where we used to live.
SUUUUUUUUUPER CORNY ALERT:
(like super really really cheesey corny: )

WE HAD A LITTLE PICNIC IN ASTORIA PARK: photo 3 copy
WE HAVE MATCHING BACKPACKS. SHUT UP.

Made turkey sandwiches with a little turkey bacon and lettuce, on low carb 40 calorie-a-slice- bread. (THRILLING, I KNOW.)
he had a chips, and i (he ate half of it anyway) had this popcorn i am OBSESSED WITH: its like 120 calories for 4 CUPS!! 2 cups is more than enough, so you’re eating half a serving….i’ll have to update with the name later)

After lunch, we went to our favorite antique store in Astoria (the best stuff, i want EVERYTHING all the time but bought nothing because A-i’m broke, (which never really matters) but mostly :B-you can’t carry a vintage wooden bar cart on your back on the triboro bridge on a bike.)

AND then we rode home, the exact way we came. And the bridge is JUST as difficult on the way home.

We got home with jello legs, and threw some skirt steak on the grill. Also had a little corn, and asparagus.

photo 3 copy 2 photo 5 copy

The marinade: olive oil, soy sauce(low sodium) shallots, garlic, pepper, lemon pepper seasoning, and Thyme.

Thrown on the grill. Made enough to share with the people upstairs, and have for leftovers. ITS SO GOOD it makes my brain explode.

This is pretty much going to be my whole summer. Bike riding and grilling. (AND SKINNY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD)

it was too cold to ride to work this morning,(WTF WITH THIS WEATHER)…so i’m hitting up a CARDIO JAM class after work, PUKE.

Have a good week guys!!!(perky skinny girl voice)


I got a food scale: weight loss gadgets , tools , accessories , junk, and stuff.

photo 3-1

As you maybe can tell, i love stuff. I love gadgets, and stuff, and tools, and things and basically ANY DAMN THING that i can use to track, count, weigh, and will make life easier/is cute/when i look at it, makes me think of working out. Lord knows there’s enough to think about against me.

These kinds of things, also keep me motivated.

As you may know already, i have a FITBIT-(see earlier post, and a polar Ft4 heart rate monitor.Top 2 boxes above. And i’m NOT ashamed to say that a few of YOU FELLOW BLOGGERS inspired a few of these purchases. I love these things. Every day  they are more motivating. The heart rate monitor has been A GAME CHANGER. i can’t tell you…WHILE i’m working out, if i know i’m not pushing myself enough, or i see a number, and know i wanna get to 100 more cals burned or something, it pushes me to move faster, push harder, jump more-etc. I LOVE that i can go back and look at them, compare for example, how long its taking me to ride to and from work,and how many cals i burn, and how its changing. Its  great. If you don’t have one, get one- it’ll change your work outs forever.
Also, just knowing that i have it, makes me wanna lay down on the couch and eat ice cream go use it, and work out.(annoying skinny girl voice.)

My newest addition to the STUFF TO MAKE YOU SKINNY family of gadgets and tools and junk: is my food scale!!

photo 2

It’s Bamboo, and super helpful: it has amazing features like: you can easily switch from grams, to ounces, to ML, and it has a “tare” option, which lets you set a bowl or a glass or something down on it, and it levels if off to 0-to accurately ONLY weigh whats inside the glass or bowl. COOL RIGHT?? So you can actually see how many actual ounces of booze orange juice or whatever you’re drinking.

I’VE BEEN WANTING ONE for so long, and i dont know why i didn’t just get one. It is SOOOO good!!  AND ALSO, i thought i was going to find out that i was eating way more of certain things than i actually was- and its been THE TOTAL OPPOSITE! turns out i’ve been eating like, HALF the portions of certain things. Like string beans (featured in photo) I’ve been logging a cup, for example…and actually EATING like, the amount above. Same goes for chicken breasts, ground chicken, and fish. I was totally underestimating. Which brings me to 2 conclusions. 1– I don’t always need full huge servings, but 2-I’ve been getting headaches, and feeling a little too hungry on some days, after some meals- and now i know why. But this is fantastic. Its a great way to accurately cut calories on portions, or figure out how much of WHATEVER you’re eating or not eating. DEF. keeps you accountable. no more guessing game.

AND FINALLY: this keeps me motivated:

Screen Shot 2013-04-16 at 12.50.05 PM

We were running around target last sunday, and found these suuuuppppperrrrrr cute dry erase markers, that hang on magnets on the fridge. I write down the lbs lost for that week ending on my little Leonx (THANKS MOM, you didn’t really think i could afford to BUY something lenox for my home, JUST BECAUSE, right?? a bitch is BROKE.)  dry erase board.

DISCLAIMER: SUPER CHEESEY: I have to admit, this is something my husband started, a really long time ago, when i started down this weight loss road a couple of years ago, and i found that i enjoyed it SOOO much. I would come out of the bathroom from weigh in day-SUPER CORNY AND EXCITED, and tell him how many pounds i lost, and then he would write it down on this little thing. we stopped doing it, (because i got lazy and stopped losing weight, but this time- we’re in it to win it.)FASTFOWARD:  RECENTLY, we moved into our new apartment and was heart broken, because i thought i lost this little thing. I JUST FOUND IT THE OTHER DAY! So we’ve just started writing them down again, starting with last week’s 4lb loss 🙂

stay strong, dumplings.<3
(WHY IS IT ALWAYS ABOUT FOOD. why couldn’t i call you all treadmills, or something?!?!?!)


Cauliflower Pizza Crust Recipe !!!!

                                                                        . photo

 

RECIPE AT THE BOTTOM

OKAY….

So i got on the bullshit cauliflower fake pizza mashed potato bandwagon. AND IT WAS AMAZING!

Yesterday one of you lovely bloggers caught my attention with the cauliflower mania nonsense. I don’t know how it happened- but i fell down the rabbit hole and ended up on the other side of the world, googling cauliflower pizza crust.

I cannot stress 2 things to you enough. #1, i was SOOOO SKEPTICAL of this horseshit. and #2- it was 10000% DELICIOUS!!!!! 

I said NO WAY . I am a pizza lover, i love dough and crunch and delicious, and i said this will NOT even taste good. I don’t even LIKE cauliflower. but all these photos (everywhere, especially if you hashtag it on instagram #cauliflowercrustpizza ) looked AMAZING. like golden brown crunchy discs sent from heaven with perfectly melted cheese.

IT IS a little more work than i thought it would be, because the cauliflower gets a little messy and turns into a damn scene, but it was SOOOO WORTH IT!! its literally more than half the calories of regular pizza, and it was SO GOOD!!

photo 1 Around the edges look a little burnt, but i swear it isn’t- it just sort of gets darker because its vegetable and not actual dough. (magic)

 

photo 2 Its topped with sauce, cheese, and shredded chicken, and i put a few pieces of soppressatta on there for my husband. (i only snuck one, i swear. Okay 2. shut up don’t judge me)

 

OKAY : My recipe: 

For the Crust: half a head of cauliflower, 1/4 cup of mozzarella, 1 egg, a little sprinkle of parm cheese, any seasonings you want. I used Basil, a blended Italian seasoning, garlic salt, salt, pepper, and 5 or 6 cloves of garlic pressed in the garlic press….( you need it to really infuse flavor into the “dough”)

THIS ENTIRE PIZZA only took HALF  a head of cauliflower:
Rough chop it, throw it in the blender to “rice” it….which just means grind it up as fine as you can get it…kind of so that it looks like cous cous, or smaller than rice.  you want it really fluffy. take it out, and cook it for a few minutes, either in the microwave, for 5-8 minutes or in a skillet on the stove top with a little bit of olive oil. Personally  i find that it gets m0re flavor that way, but i’m going to try the microwave way next time- i think it might be cleaner/faster/easier. When its soft, and you think its cooked, and its actually browning a little- take it off, throw it in the freezer to cool down a little bit.( i left it in for like 5 minutes….the reason is you don’t want to put an egg on something hot, because it will start to cook and curdle.)  Then, AND THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT: Strain the cauliflower into  a dish towel or cheese cloth. you want to get as much water out as you can, and squeeze, squeeze squeeze!  THEN, on a greased piece of parchment paper on a baking sheet, spread out your “dough” and create any shape or size you want. the trick here though, is the thinner you can get it- the crispier it will be. Its hard to get it even, and its easy to make holes in it, because its not really dough, so try to get it as even as possible, and as thin as possible.

THEN YOU BAKE. Now. Every recipe i read was like JUST BAKE FOR 15 MINUTES AND ITS DONE! i don’t know WHO WAS ON WHAT CRACK when they wrote that, but depending on ovens….this shit took 35-40 minutes. So its not quick. I thin i’m going to pre heat longer next time…and see if that makes a difference  I’d like to get it down to like, 20 minutes. cuz a bitch don’t have time to be waiting for this nonsense while i’m damn near fainting in the kitchen trying to not to eat the whole bag of shredded cheese.

Once its crispy and firm ( you can kind of lift it off the paper without it feeling like its going to fall apart) and its golden brown, and looks like pizza crust……add your toppings of choice! I threw on some :

– tomato sauce (quick sauce that i whipped up…..just a small can of tomatoes, garlic, onion, basil, salt, pepper, and italian seasoning…i hateeeee pre seasoned jar sauce..ick.),
-low fat mozzarella  and a little swiss and gruyer blend from trader joes (very little cuz its higher in cals)
-and shredded chicken. (prepared however youwant.)

Put the pizza under your broiler for like 2 or 3 minutes (keep an eye don’t burn) to melt the cheese, and THEN STUFF YOUR FACE!!!

 

 

 


don’t gain back 5lbs, PUT DOWN THE DONUT.

Okay hambones, listen up.

If you are “on a diet” but eating a sausage keesh(pie crust WTF) for breakfast, and a scone before lunch, and 5 serving sizes of healthy blue corn tortilla chips, and 480 calories worth of peanut butter and jelly on a fat pice of rasin toast= NEWSFLASH!!! YOUR FAT ASS IS GOING TO EXPAND BEYOND PROPORTIONS YOU COULD EVEN IMAGINE. (translation: you are going to gain back 5lbs.

5 mother fucking pounds:

  • of your very hard work.
  • worth of deprived days and nights.
  • of REAL tears you cried over REAL donuts you REALLY didn’t eat.
  • that didn’t magically sweat off.
  • from fire burning death muscle pain,
  • lost only by huffing AND NEARLY BLACKING OUT,on a spinning bike next to skinny bitch Jets cheerleaders at the gym. (true life)
  • of temptations resisted.

Only to wake up one day after the holidaze and realize: THAT SOMEONE SNUCK IN, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, AND HOT GLUE GUNNED those 5 pounds BACK TO YOUR GUT.(and sloppily and disproportionately back to ONE of your ass cheeks, WTF)

I’ll be real,I won’t pretend that it was SO EASY LOSING THAT 18 POUNDS!! we just ‘CHANGED OUR LIVES’ and ‘made sustainable life choices’ and “ate clean” and “its not a diet its a life change”….all that mumbo jumbo that fat bitches say to their skinny friends who don’t understand what it ACTUALLY feels like, to stand in front of a tray of cake pops and feel tears well up, because they can’t have any.

MORAL OF THE STORY:
..what i’m getting at here, is WHEN YOU START EATING ridiculous amounts of food that you know you shouldn’t be eating, and can’t seem to get back “on track”…..and skip 2 weeks at the gym, and swear you’re going to go “tomorrow”

 

TRY TO REMEMBER all the horrible things you went through, to get just to that spot. to lose those 17 pounds, or those 12 pounds, or those 42 pounds. REMEMBER EVERY SINGLE slice of pizza you didn’t eat, every time you made a salad instead of potatoes, every time you sat in a meeting and didn’t have red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese frosting from THAT BAKERY….every time you didn’t have a beer, every horrible, obnoxious conversation you over heard at the gym, every boot camp class you suffered through(without vomiting) all the icy hot you had to rub on your thighs, and every single t shirt you sweat through to GET THERE. Because for me, thats the only thing that works. None of this, “OH I’LL EAT IT TODAY, AND GET RIGHT BACK ON IT TOMORROW!!” ,BULLSHIT. Because at the end of the day, to feel like, ALL OF THAT WAS FOR NOTHING…and I MAY AS WELL HAVE EATEN THAT….is a shittier feeling than all the rest.

BACK AWAY FROM THE BAKED GOODS.

“WE CAN DO THIS! “(un natural positivity to round out this post.)

 

 

 

 


2 more pounds down, a pie and a hurricane.

Image

the hurricane made me lose 2 pounds.

WELL FOLKS. this is what happened.
I live in New York City. There was a hurricane. A lot has happened,and many of my friends and family were and are STILL stranded with no power, no way to shower. i couldn’t get into work for AN ENTIRE WEEK kids, and my company had to shut down not only because there were no trains running, but because we lost internet and power. Now that there is limited service, i will haul my cheeks there on Monday…
My mother who lives in Jersey lost power, and roughed it out for a few days but in the end had to come stay with my brother,because it was FREEZING and horrible at her house- so i spent the last few days over there hanging out with her, that was really nice. Not often we get to spend time together cuz she lives deep in the woods.
speaking of woods: (BAHAHAH i saw this and it CRACKED me up.)
Image
ANYWAY
 I read a lot, watched a lot a shit ton of TV, got stir crazy, baked and cooked a lot,  and almost lost it
WHAT I DIDN’T LOSE HOWEVER, was my motivation, my focus and my willpower. i didn’t crack, i didn’t binge eat being bored out of my skull and stuck in the house-which BY THE WAY IS SO TYPICALLY ME. I couldn’t even work out or go to the gym, and i was terrified i was going to GAIN pounds, never MIND losing any or maintaining….
And bitches, after a full week of being stuck in this house- I LOST 2 POUNDS!!  I couldn’t really believe it, when i stepped on the scale this morning, and it is down again. SHOCKED, i swear it. I stayed at my calories every day- give or take a few on some popcorn ( lots of movie watching ) and a little too much sugar free cherry meringue pie that i baked. (SUPER BOREDOM=NEW RECIPES)  see below.
But I CAN’T BELIEVE it! its really something for me, as i had really been struggling up until about a little over 5 weeks ago, to find the motivation to do this again, and to stick with it, and to really throw myself into calorie counting and tracking again, and cooking every day. and now, here i am, 16 pounds down, feeling very, very motivated. I think i’ll throw a fucking party when i reach 20. And its not that its MONUMENTAL, but HEY. i deserve a little GOOD JOB.
ANYWAY-
i discovered THIS gem of a recipe and LOVED it- i made THIS:
ImageImage
 this is huge for me, as i’ve never made meringue before. But it was light, and DELICIOUS!!! its really simple too. just a can of sugar free cherry pie filling (got really lucky and found it at key food)….6 egg whites, a little cream of tartar and about 3-4 tbsps of Splenda…the crust was graham crackers(8) and a banana with a drizzle of honey.
PHENOM!!! i stole it from right here: http://undressedskeleton.tumblr.com/post/34571342975/healthy-cherry-meringue-pie-for-a-healthy-holiday-treat
AMAZING.
i also made sweet potato fries this week, which was another first:
Image
right next to it, is a little caper-garlic-lemon mayo for dipping.
they were AMAZING. really easy. just drizzle with olive oil and salt & pepper em- throw em in the oven about 20 minutes.
So that was my week. lets hope these 2 pounds stay off? i’m afraid they’re a false alarm….