A sprained ankle.

I’ve been dead quiet around here, because ladies and gentlemen:

 

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THAT HAPPENED.  Not doing anything cool, ridiculous, or strenuous….Just WALKING ACROSS THE STREET. Oh new york city and your fucked up potholed crosswalks. Thanks for this.
So this happened, about 8 days ago, and i got really lucky this time, because i’ve only been out of commission about a week.  This happens often with me, since i was like 15, i’ve sprained each ankle well over 10 times each, i’ve lost count. The last time i sprained it, (the other foot, btw) i was on crutches for almost 2 months. It was a nightmare, I almost lost my job (waiting tables at the time, suckkkk it.) and had to convince them to let me hostess so i could sit down and still make money. Nightmare.I took 2 days off this time, and then that rolled right into memorial day weekend, and i basically layed down for 3 days. I’m going a little crazy, i haven’t been able to work out, and its been SUPER depressing. I wanted to go to the gym and just get some arms in or something, but for a while there i couldn’t really walk without limping horribly, and couldn’t take trains really cuz up and down the stairs and a lot of walking for transfers- so i just said fuck it, and layed around. I’m SO OVER THAT now!

The swelling has gone down, and i’m walking pretty normally…i don’t think i’m quite ready to be able to zumba or even do something like a jumping jack ( too high impact, and its still pretty sore…) I wanted to ride my bike into work , but thinking about how thats the leg i use to drop to the ground at red lights and stuff, I don’t know about all that. i tried to practice the motion, and everytime i put my foot down on the floor, i get a slight pain. So no. no go. Today, i’m gonna try to get in the gym since i’m walking well enough to not feel so tired, and try the stationary bike, to see how that motion feels..i think because its no impact, it’ll be okay…And get some upper body working. I miss feeling sore?? I feel flabby and gross since i haven’t worked out.

The good news is, i managed to lose 1 lb DESPITE the fact that i haven’t worked out AT ALL. I kept my eating together, (though i drank a few too many coronas and ate NONSENSE food on memorial day) I thought stepping on the scale today i would have gained ! So yes i’m happy, though i feel super set back, and its SUPER fucking annoying.

 

Then i saw this, and i died laughing, because it is SO FUNNY!! and SOOOO TRUE. whenever i look back at like, pictures from highschool and see how SKINNY I WAS, i want to scream, because even then, i was always on a diet and worried about being too fat….i wish i could go back to my 16 year old self and tell her to cut the shit. (also possibly remove a Zebra Cake or two from her fucking hands.)

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Keep it together bitches. ITS JUNE.


Salad in a Jar ! With Homemade Dressing.

Photo May 14, 10 16 20 AM

 

Just wanted to throw up a quick post to say HERE’s MY salad in a jar!! I think either i need a bigger jar, or i won’t really be doing this again (even though its sickengly cute)….But I feel like i needed more room at the top for my baby spinach and afraid of what its gonna look like come lunch time! I’ll let you know.

Bottom to Top:Tomatoes, Cucumbers, Blackened shrimp from the grill, Feta, and Baby spinach

I think too, i missed the point of this, i think you’re supposed to put the dressing on the bottom or something, so you don’t HAVE to bring another little container-but I’m still afraid of soggy whatever, so i still  brought it on the side:

HOME MADE DRESSING: its just a little olive oil, a squeeze of lime, salt, pepper, thyme, and italian seasoning. super easy! sometimes i’ll use lemon instead of lime, and we can get super fancy later and talk about ones with mustard seeds, or dijon or sriracha or spicy stuff…but today, was the 30 second dressing from home. I never buy store bought anymore.

Not much else to say today…i, didn’t lose a pound last week, so i was super annoyed, even though i know BLAH BLAH BLAH all the reasons and that the scale isn’t THAT IMPORTANT AND BLAH BLAH BLAH…but i still get annoyed lol. Hoping for big loss this week. Gonna try to go really hard.

 

UGH Tuesday…and go!


down 3 more pounds!!! 19 total!

WHATS UP BITCHES!!

1- its FRIDAY

2- I WEIGHED IN THIS MORNING, AND I LOST 3 MORE POUNDS -MAKING IT 19 TOTAL!!!!
since around March, when i RE-started but wasn’t really serious….and 10 lbs since April 12th, when i started going hard again.

i am EFFFFING THRILLED with this! Its just validation that what i’ve been doing IS WORKING, and i don’t have to question it all the time. i’m DEF. finally happy with this progress. If i can continue to lose at this rate, i’ll be at my 1st goal ON SCHEDULE, AS planned, by AUGUST, when my first vacation is!!! yay!!!! and then hopefully somewhere closer to my UGW by December, when our second trip is.

I need to remember how to HOLD ONTO this feeling, and STAY focused, and keep this motivation. What usually happens with me is, i’ll lose- and then i’ll hit a plateau, and then get discouraged because i don’t see numbers changing for a while, and then start eating like crap again, or getting lax in counting calories, and measuring and weighing food out. And then slowly, the scale will creep back up, and i’ll keep telling myself i’m gonna go hard again, but then i don’t, and make a billion excuses.

NOT THIS TIME!! I have determination i have NEVER had before, and motivation, and i WILL STICK with it this time. I don’t EVER want to have to START OVER again. I want to ride this wave, and i want to remember how good i feel, and i don’t want to give up.

I’m sore every day, and i’m eating really clean,and i feel FANTASTIC. i want to see how far i can take this by the time my trip rolls around. I am so excited to MAYBE take a bunch of pictures, and not CONSTANTLY BE WORRIED about angling myself so that my arms don’t look fat, or i don’t have double chins. I just want to feel free, and i think i’m on the right path.

HOLLLER!!!!!


don’t gain back 5lbs, PUT DOWN THE DONUT.

Okay hambones, listen up.

If you are “on a diet” but eating a sausage keesh(pie crust WTF) for breakfast, and a scone before lunch, and 5 serving sizes of healthy blue corn tortilla chips, and 480 calories worth of peanut butter and jelly on a fat pice of rasin toast= NEWSFLASH!!! YOUR FAT ASS IS GOING TO EXPAND BEYOND PROPORTIONS YOU COULD EVEN IMAGINE. (translation: you are going to gain back 5lbs.

5 mother fucking pounds:

  • of your very hard work.
  • worth of deprived days and nights.
  • of REAL tears you cried over REAL donuts you REALLY didn’t eat.
  • that didn’t magically sweat off.
  • from fire burning death muscle pain,
  • lost only by huffing AND NEARLY BLACKING OUT,on a spinning bike next to skinny bitch Jets cheerleaders at the gym. (true life)
  • of temptations resisted.

Only to wake up one day after the holidaze and realize: THAT SOMEONE SNUCK IN, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, AND HOT GLUE GUNNED those 5 pounds BACK TO YOUR GUT.(and sloppily and disproportionately back to ONE of your ass cheeks, WTF)

I’ll be real,I won’t pretend that it was SO EASY LOSING THAT 18 POUNDS!! we just ‘CHANGED OUR LIVES’ and ‘made sustainable life choices’ and “ate clean” and “its not a diet its a life change”….all that mumbo jumbo that fat bitches say to their skinny friends who don’t understand what it ACTUALLY feels like, to stand in front of a tray of cake pops and feel tears well up, because they can’t have any.

MORAL OF THE STORY:
..what i’m getting at here, is WHEN YOU START EATING ridiculous amounts of food that you know you shouldn’t be eating, and can’t seem to get back “on track”…..and skip 2 weeks at the gym, and swear you’re going to go “tomorrow”

 

TRY TO REMEMBER all the horrible things you went through, to get just to that spot. to lose those 17 pounds, or those 12 pounds, or those 42 pounds. REMEMBER EVERY SINGLE slice of pizza you didn’t eat, every time you made a salad instead of potatoes, every time you sat in a meeting and didn’t have red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese frosting from THAT BAKERY….every time you didn’t have a beer, every horrible, obnoxious conversation you over heard at the gym, every boot camp class you suffered through(without vomiting) all the icy hot you had to rub on your thighs, and every single t shirt you sweat through to GET THERE. Because for me, thats the only thing that works. None of this, “OH I’LL EAT IT TODAY, AND GET RIGHT BACK ON IT TOMORROW!!” ,BULLSHIT. Because at the end of the day, to feel like, ALL OF THAT WAS FOR NOTHING…and I MAY AS WELL HAVE EATEN THAT….is a shittier feeling than all the rest.

BACK AWAY FROM THE BAKED GOODS.

“WE CAN DO THIS! “(un natural positivity to round out this post.)

 

 

 

 


2 more pounds down, a pie and a hurricane.

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the hurricane made me lose 2 pounds.

WELL FOLKS. this is what happened.
I live in New York City. There was a hurricane. A lot has happened,and many of my friends and family were and are STILL stranded with no power, no way to shower. i couldn’t get into work for AN ENTIRE WEEK kids, and my company had to shut down not only because there were no trains running, but because we lost internet and power. Now that there is limited service, i will haul my cheeks there on Monday…
My mother who lives in Jersey lost power, and roughed it out for a few days but in the end had to come stay with my brother,because it was FREEZING and horrible at her house- so i spent the last few days over there hanging out with her, that was really nice. Not often we get to spend time together cuz she lives deep in the woods.
speaking of woods: (BAHAHAH i saw this and it CRACKED me up.)
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ANYWAY
 I read a lot, watched a lot a shit ton of TV, got stir crazy, baked and cooked a lot,  and almost lost it
WHAT I DIDN’T LOSE HOWEVER, was my motivation, my focus and my willpower. i didn’t crack, i didn’t binge eat being bored out of my skull and stuck in the house-which BY THE WAY IS SO TYPICALLY ME. I couldn’t even work out or go to the gym, and i was terrified i was going to GAIN pounds, never MIND losing any or maintaining….
And bitches, after a full week of being stuck in this house- I LOST 2 POUNDS!!  I couldn’t really believe it, when i stepped on the scale this morning, and it is down again. SHOCKED, i swear it. I stayed at my calories every day- give or take a few on some popcorn ( lots of movie watching ) and a little too much sugar free cherry meringue pie that i baked. (SUPER BOREDOM=NEW RECIPES)  see below.
But I CAN’T BELIEVE it! its really something for me, as i had really been struggling up until about a little over 5 weeks ago, to find the motivation to do this again, and to stick with it, and to really throw myself into calorie counting and tracking again, and cooking every day. and now, here i am, 16 pounds down, feeling very, very motivated. I think i’ll throw a fucking party when i reach 20. And its not that its MONUMENTAL, but HEY. i deserve a little GOOD JOB.
ANYWAY-
i discovered THIS gem of a recipe and LOVED it- i made THIS:
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 this is huge for me, as i’ve never made meringue before. But it was light, and DELICIOUS!!! its really simple too. just a can of sugar free cherry pie filling (got really lucky and found it at key food)….6 egg whites, a little cream of tartar and about 3-4 tbsps of Splenda…the crust was graham crackers(8) and a banana with a drizzle of honey.
PHENOM!!! i stole it from right here: http://undressedskeleton.tumblr.com/post/34571342975/healthy-cherry-meringue-pie-for-a-healthy-holiday-treat
AMAZING.
i also made sweet potato fries this week, which was another first:
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right next to it, is a little caper-garlic-lemon mayo for dipping.
they were AMAZING. really easy. just drizzle with olive oil and salt & pepper em- throw em in the oven about 20 minutes.
So that was my week. lets hope these 2 pounds stay off? i’m afraid they’re a false alarm….

8lbs down!! lots of PICTURES OF FOOD!

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thats right kids, 8 POUNDS total so far! so, weigh in was supposed to be today- but i couldn’t wait and i got on the scale on Saturday, and i had lost 5 pounds!!!! 5 pounds last week!!! so i was scared, that i would get on this morning, and it would be a fluke and i’d actually still own those 5lbs, but i didn’t!!! and actually, it was one pound less!!! ( but because i’m psychotic, i’m not counting that pound, cuz i don’t trust that its really gone lolol…we’ll see in next week’s weigh in.)  so yes….it could technically be 6…but we’ll see.

SO that means, that 2 weeks have FINALLY  passed…which was initially my first tiny goal. It was just GET THROUGH 2 WEEKS finally. Because after 2 weeks, anything becomes a habit, and then you aren’t fighting through first 3 days of hunger/horrible cravings and headache… or

“oh it hasn’t actually been that long anyway- i’ll just eat this SUNNY DOODLE or twinkie, and start over tomorrow”
Because NOW….i’m like “i DO NOT WANT TO GO THROUGH THE FIRST 2 WEEKS OF THIS AGAIN.”
i’d rather put my head through a brick wall. And now i’ve seen a little success, and i want more so BAM.

You see, I’ve been on this Image  back and forth for MONTHS, GOING to the gym, but eating like shit…stopping and starting, lying to myself and telling myself that i WAS eating healthy WHEN I KNOW BETTER. and still, always feeling gross and uncomfortable…not losing a pound and wondering why (all the while actually knowing, that i wasn’t going balls to the walls all out like i know i have to to see any results at all.) and now, I’m finally seeing results, and I’m EFFING THRILLED. I’m assuming next week will only be like a 1 or 2 pound loss, but I’ll take it…(and that would put me at 10 official pounds lost, since starting this all over again, and I’ll JUMP FOR JOY.)

ANYWAY.

FOOD!

1 day off a week is NOT enough…I don’t really have my saturdays to myself because i have to get up early and haul it downtown for the show, and right after that, i go to tap and by the time i get home i am WIPE THE F OUT.

Friday night: i made these oat cookies from http://blueberrygirlinoz.blogspot.com/2010/05/no-sugar-oat-drops.html
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they are super high in fiber, protein, no sugar, butter or bad stuff. Great for breakfast, or a really filling in between meal snack…about 120 cals a cookie (cuz i made them double the size, i think they were supposed to be smaller.)ALSO: i’d like to post a picture of the coconut i used….these cookies have unsweetened coconut flakes… I LOVE USING unsweetened coconut in a few different recipes  which i’d like to say i managed to find a reduced fat version of, making them EVEN more amazing. i was veryhappy.literally like 40-50 cals less than the regular one: Image

then, yesterday, i went a little nuts. All day i was inspired to cook
i made brunch in the morning:
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YOU SHOULD KNOW, i am OBSESSED.WITH.TOSTADAS. Any thing i can put on top of a crunchy tortilla, i will and don’t try to stop me. Sadly, my fat gut can no longer continue my love affair with tostadas.SO  i found these low carb, 50 calorie veggie tortillas…i threw them in the oven and they got brown and SUPER crispy=TOSTADA LOVE!!! then i made a hash. NO POTATOES, but i used veggie crumbles, red pepper and onion (thats it!) and i swear to god, it tasted JUST like cornbeefhash!!! then, instead of making it sort of omlettey (thats a word. no. its not.) like i usually do…I made little holes for the eggs, cracked em in, and threw the whole pan in the oven, and baked the eggs. Then i topped the whole thing with a little quick Guac and a piece of turkey bacon. (which i woke up like, CLAWING MY WAY TO THE KITCHEN looking for. can you say craving??) it was amazing.

Last NIGHT, my kitchen was like Top Chef i swear. i was running around like a MANIAC, making 5 dishes all at once. For Dinner: was making a filet of Cod, with a mixed greens salad( a little goat cheese, black beans and onions)….and THESE TOMATOES: !!!!! : Image

THEY WERE AMAZING!!! all it was, was tomatoes: topped with a little Parmesan cheese, oregano, salt, pepper, a little general italian garlic seasoning and a drizzle of olive oil. in the oven, and they come out crusted and delicious, and TASTED LIKE PIZZA i swear!! THEY WERE amazinggggg with the fish! I SWEAR, i wanna make these with everything. AND the best part is, they only have like, 20 calories !!!! going IN on these.

AND FINALLY……
the moment YOU HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR….to diiiiieeeee for….

PUMPKIN MOUSSE!!!!!! :

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I’m leaving this photo as large as it is, so you can see it in its FULL GLORY…FROM THE BLOG: http://www.eat-yourself-skinny.com/2011/11/pumpkin-mousse-shooters.html

SO EASY and SO EFFING DELICIOUS!!! its just a can of pumpkin, a package of sugar free fat free vanilla pudding, 2 oz of cream cheese, cinnamon, cloves, ginger and nutmeg (like DASH literally of each) and some cool whip, folded INTO the mousse…then layered in the glass. the whole thing is about a half a cup. ( 1/4 on top, and 1/4 on the bottom)
And let me TELL YOU.

IT WAS TO DIE FOR!!!

ALRIGHT, i have to leave you now…because I’m literally sitting at work, blogging like THATS what i get paid to do.
and this has certainly been long enough.

BUT do yourself a favor and TRY THE PUMPKIN!! its like a pie in a glass while laying in Heaven on a cloud with a harp and unicorns. (maybe not. but still. its effing delish.)